From: R.Marcus Gaudry.
To: My much loved brothers ,sisters ,friends and neighbours:

Peace and love be with you, always!

As some of you already know, I come from a place of drug addiction and alcoholism. Therefore I feel compelled to take a moments to speak to the crippling effects such a disease of body, mind and spirit can have. Especially in consideration to what a profound factor addiction is on our growing homeless community.

addict: -n- a slave to a habit or vice, esp drugs.
addiction, therefore, is to be as a slave to said habit or vice.

Actually, Webster pretty much nails the seemingly hopeless state of body and mind, and the desperate state of spirit that is addiction to drugs and alcohol. I remember very clearly, even after several years of being without any booze or other illicit drugs in my system, the helplessness I felt and believed in. Towards the end, I wanted nothing more than to stop, but I found, under my own power, I could not.Now to some of you that might sound silly. You may want to say "What do you mean? If you didn't want to drink or use, then don't drink or use!" Others may want to say "But you did stop, that says a lot about your willpower! Kudos to you!" To that, let me say it again: UNDER MY OWN POWER, I could not stop. Every day I would tell myself that today I was not going to have a drink, and by the end of the day I would find myself drinking. Sometimes only one or two, sometimes enough to be far beyond drunk. Often, it would happen before I even really knew what I was doing.

Sounds crazy, doesn't it? It's plenty more common than many might think.That is what it means to be a slave to a habit or a vice. When in an active addiction, there seems to be no choice. One becomes quite literally helpless. Bear in mind this state of body, mind and spirit has very little to do with the volume of consumption. What it has more to do with is the role it plays in ones' life. For the addict, the object of their addiction becomes absolutely central. It's like a deadly obsession, dictating every aspect of life and livelihood.

How does one get to this place? What causes this to happen to anybody? There are several factors to consider:

• 1) Mental illness Some people are born ill, or become ill later in life, and the illness goes unchecked. Chemical imbalances in the brain occur, and in order to compensate, a person may very well turn to alcohol or drugs as a form of self-medication. This, of course, may go on unknowingly and undiagnosed for years on end.For awhile, this self-medication trick may appear to work, but what happens is a dependence on the drug of choice develops, and the person seemingly cannot function without it, and over time, cannot function effectively because of their dependence.
• 2)Genetics It is also common to pass this disease, this allergic reaction in body and obsessive thinking from generation to generation. In short, some people are simply born this way. This again can actually be ultimately rooted in mental illness.
• 3)Abused/traumatic childhood In conjunction with both #1 and #2, this is one I can identify with.In some cases, the distress associated with with a traumatic childhood can manifest itself into the same biochemical and neurochemical changes and imbalances that lend themselves into a variety of anxiety and depression disorders. Being brought up in an alcoholic environment, having drugs and alcohol prevalent in all affairs was what I was accustomed. In many ways, these were things I associated with everything from mealtime to big family functions to any social event. Such an association is a difficult thing to rid oneself of. It quite literally becomes a fact of life, and is perceived as a necessity. That, and having grown up in a highly dysfunctional and abusive household as a direct result of alcoholism, I initially turned to alcohol and drugs as a form of escape. When under the influence, the illusion of escape was a very attractive and seductive lure. None of the concerns or worries of life seemed to matter anymore. As a result, much of life happened around me, good and bad, and went by unattended to. All for the illusion of freedom I found in either a bottle or a drug of some sort or another. In cases more extreme than my own, this illusion takes over so completely that one is willing to sacrifice everything, and I mean everything to keep the illusion alive.

There are other factors to consider, but these are some examples. Often, we look at the homeless in our cities and towns, and say to ourselves "They brought it on themselves. Why should I care or do anything to help them?" Some of us might also have been successful in turning to God and finding some restoration to sanity and freedom from our addiction-our lives as slaves- and see the homeless and say "But for the grace of God go I.." And we are right to say that. God was good enough to us to set us free as a result of our surrendering our wills and lives to Him. Seems pretty clear to me that, in turn, we can give the same gift of freedom to those who still suffer. What is also clear, is that often "addiction", though certainly a very real illness, is often an illness that is derived from a much deeper root - more a symptom of a deeper underlying problem. While contending with the symptom is an important step towards recovery, the really vital element to bear in mind is that by contending with the symptom, the deeper issue remains, and therefore must be dealt with in order for recovery to be successfully maintained.

Thanks be to God, I am sober today. I remember the day I finally surrendered to the will of God, and how merciful and good he proved to be to me, even after years of fighting. Even after years of trying to live by my own will, our Good Shepherd was willing to take this wounded sheep into His arms, and bring about healing from the seemingly hopeless state of body, mind and spirit. There was a hole in my soul that I tried to fill with dope, but that hole only got bigger and deeper until the Lord replaced the drugs with His love. Today, I feel it is my calling, my mission, to extend that love to those who suffer as I once did.

I thank you all for your patience with me as I undergo recovery in the Lords' name, and for your assistance in my growth in faith as I make my journey home. I ask now that we remember that some of those we may be called to help really cannot help themselves, and need us not to carry them, but to carry the message to them, that they may come to trust in the Lord to carry them until they are able to walk with the Lord as we do.